Cats

The thing about cats is, the more you dislike them, the more they are attracted to you. You give them the cold shoulder; they rub up against your pants. Usually you’ll be wearing dark ones, showing up the hair they've left all over you. God I love that... not. 

We have no ‘official’ pets at the May household, however, recently we've become the adopted home of a very clever Tom cat whom the kids have named ‘Gordon’.

Gordon is also known as Mars at his original home, and ‘That Cat!’ at another house down the road. He has been quite successful at soliciting ear scratches and a lap to claw from each of the families, and doesn't seem the least bit bothered by noisy Master Four and his many wheeled objects which often come at him at great speeds!

Gordon the cat has been a great source of entertainment for the kids.   That’s as useful as he is though. He’s not motivated enough to run after rodents. You will however see him run towards his house… for store brought food!

Another thing, cats and humans apparently use the same region of the brain for emotions, which is why I suspect they are so effectively calculating at getting humans to do just exactly as they please.

It’s true. Gordon’s soft little paws flicking under the closed sun room door appeal to my sensitive side, making me feel positively mean for not allowing him to join us.  Oh, and you think the resident farmer is immune? Nope. Cats purr at the same frequency as the diesel engine of a tractor at idle. Coincidence? I think not.

But you know what happens when you let a cat in? They take over everything. It's all about them. They're mini drama queens wrapped up in soft fur and cute little noses.  Trying to type? They’ll sit on the keyboard. Trying to read? They’ll sit on the newspaper.  Oh, and patting is on their terms only, and boy do they tell you when they've had enough! Who the hell thought it was a good idea to give them such sharp claws anyway?

I have decided these traits are all part of a cunning feline master plan, set to secure their domesticated popularity and remain in our homes despite their very obvious lack of interest in actual humans.  It’s a cat conspiracy!